The Suppository

Status update

2011-09-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

Oooohohoo, I feel a good one coming on.

2011-02-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

So I'm at work, right? Sure. Some co-workers and I happen to gaze out the window into the parking lot, populated by 3 (three) cars, two of which are ours, and one of which has just entered and parked immediately next to my boss's car. Meh, it happens. I walk away to get coffee, as it is more pertinent to my survival at that point. When I return, two people are standing between the newly arrived vehicle and my boss's super nice Mercedes. Looked like a girl and some guy. Anywho, we watch them for a good 15-20 seconds to see that they look to be arguing at first, then the female, obviously the irrationally upset one of the two, starts to lean on my boss's Mercedes. Now, I don't know about any of you, but if someone I don't know leans on my car, I would most likely confront them about it, unless it was, you know, Jesus or something.

So my boss barks at her to not lean on her car. Makes sense. So, she stops leaning. The two people near the car hug and leave. Whatever. The usual weirdos we get at work. So then about 20 minutes later, the woman returns and enters the building and asks me if that was the manager in the office behind me. I said yes and gave his/her name, offering to get his/her attention so they could speak. My boss comes out and asks if the woman can be helped with something. The woman then proceeds to say that it was very rude to be yelled at when she "wasn't leaning on the car" (understandable if you're used to crazies) which doesn't hold water considering 3 (three) people saw her lean on the car. Now, here's the kicker, she then went on to explain that she's asian, her "friend is black and this is clearly an issue of racial discrimination" and my boss "obviously has a lot of sadness issues in his/her life." Now, I don't want to say hippie.... yes I do.

Okay, now let's take a moment to let that sink in.................. Yes, she went there. She came into a business to yell at a Jew, a Native American and an Indonesian about discrimination because her $20 denim jeans with buttons were pressed against my boss's MERCEDES'S right front fender. INTO A BUSINESS THAT IS 75%+ HISPANIC and has never had a turnaround of under two years.

Venting aside, let's take a look at some demographics. According to Wikipedia's page on the county I live in, the demographics are as such as of y2k: County population 115,367, Caucasians encompassed 94.85%. Makes sense that there's a clear bias....... for y2k. It's 2011. The demographics have changed. What used to be the population for my COUNTY is now almost the same as the population for my CITY. That being said, let's examine the demographics for where I spent most of my years growing up, and never once had problems with discrimination. Wikipedia states that in the y2k, the population of Lompoc, CA was 43,284 and was almost 40% Latino / Hispanic (trust me, there are more than that). I got called Casper in high school. Did I ever even once give half a sh*t? No. Because it isn't 1830. We're not all riding steam engines around and wearing beanies with little helicopters on top.

By analyzing this situation, we can conclude many a few things. A) She never went to public school, B) She's one of those people that would rather protest than try to solve a problem, C) Her "friend" is totally hitting that, and mostly D) She's just bat-sh*t crazy.

Hemisphere man

2010-11-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

My father once told me a tale of a man who had grown in girth around a belt he wore too tight, thusly creating the effect of two battling hemispheres bifurcated at the equator. I have just witnessed this man. It was a strange experience; slightly moving. Actually no, it was very moving - literally. His girth was abound with movement and conflict; a walking battlefield. It makes me wonder if we could somehow harness this energy, turning it into electricity. I wonder if he could cause himself to burst into flames.

The tale my father told me was as such: There was a candy store somewhere in California that my dad was watching, for some odd reason. Moving on, so he noticed this family of perfectly spherical people, with hemisphere man as the patriarch. They went into the candy shop, and emerged with fudge and ice cream and all sorts of delights. They sat on a bench in front of the store and crammed the items directly into their stomaches. Upon completion, hemisphere man stood up, motioned to his children, and went back in for another round of spectacular induction.

How he gets about is very odd. It's as though he shifts his high center of gravity back, so as to keep it over his legs. The way he walks is very funkadelic, like some sort of overweight pimp. It really is quite fascinating how he throws his arms about making commanding motions to his cohorts. At least that's what I think he's doing... It could simply be an attempt to balance.

Okay, enough staring at the heavily-curved man. Onward to the news. Why is it that everything is a national emergency? Oh lord! I dropped my toast and it landed butter-side up! THIS IS PROOF OF GLOBAL WARMING! It's about as reliable as a car from Russia.

In conclusion, hemisphere man has shifted the Earth's axis by about 3 inches, which will inevitably cause global warming to make it implode infinitely, resulting in the known universe to become unknown. This will all happen in 2012.

Peanut

2010-11-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is actually my third attempt at this post. My first two just came out as angry rants about encounters and interactions with the simian-type humans, so I decided to scrap them and start anew! Optimism! Ahem, so anyway I've been drinking far too much coffee lately, and discovered that chocolate raspberry creamer enables this. Yes, who thought I would indeed be conquered by a multi-spheroid fruit mixed with a buttery nut, blended sensuously into grated bean water? I certainly did not foresee it...

On another topic, I may or may not have gotten yelled at yesterday for remotely shutting down my boss's workstation while she was in the middle of an email. It was hypothetically very funny to me at the time. It was so very theoretically worth it. As I'm sure any relatively computer-versed person could attest to, it is very annoying to have people constantly asking for their computers to be fixed when really it's just a matter of that area between the keyboard and the chair that's the problem. Revenge is sweet.

Next subject! I was finally able to telnet successfully into my busybox distro of my router's firmware! I am completely unfamiliar with busybox commands! Next subject! Coffeeeeeeeeeeee!

So my WoW guild had a meeting last night to discuss serious goings on. And by "serious goings on" I mean crap that really doesn't matter to anyone. Nobody cares about WoW really anyway, or at least shouldn't. Summary:

I know we're going kind of fast here, tough. Have I mentioned that attention deficit disorder is imaginary? MOVING ON!

My coffee is now wearing off... I'm not really too tired, but more or less umm... What's the opposite of lucid? Yeah that. It's kind of strange... The weather channel says it's raining outside right now, but then how is the sun hurting my eyes? That is the sun, right? It kind of looks like a big glowing peanut... Is that weird? Peanut...

The dollar fifty mis-dial:

2010-10-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning about ten minutes after my second alarm, forcing me into a panicked state of unpreparedness; it was 6:20 and I had to be to work by 6:30. So, flailing wildly I managed to clothe myself and get out the door by 6:26. Sure to be late, I cut through the shopping mall parking lot like a formula one driver on drugs, only to arrive at my destination at 6:29. I had made it! Huzzah! Etc!

Frazzled by the ambiance into which I awoke, I began my work shift by having some coffee. That would surely calm my nerves..... right? I frenetically set up my laptop and began to carouse the usual social networking websites for anything new and interesting, which there wasn't. Shocking. I really do get my hopes up sometimes. There are occasions where someone will post something amusing or relevant, but those times seem to be getting farther and farther between.

So there I sat, contentedly clacking away at my laptop's keyboard, humming Mozart's Lacrimosa, a song that pops into my head when I log into Bookface, the imaginary social networking site that in no way actually exists. My boss arrived shortly thereafter and so started what seemed to be a pleasant morning. There we were, poised for the day behind the bunker-like desk, shielding us from the enemy. Yes, it is like a war zone of stupid.

A few minutes passed, then a long-time customer shuffled toward the desk. Occurrences like this are pleasantly reassuring that there are people worth talking to. We prattled on about some irrelevant topic when suddenly I stumbled over my words as mid-sentence, all varieties of bells and whistles began to chime and screech behind the desk! Someone had made a 9-1-1 emergency call from room 339! Avanti and to the rescue I went! Running back to grab a coworker, catching the master key, which had been hurled by my boss, and dashing through the halls and up the stairs all in one fluid action, and to the room in need!

As I arrived at the room as though I were some sort of super person and observed an eerie calm about the room. Surely someone was in dire need of help inside. I rapped briskly on the door asking loudly, "Is everything OK in there!? Do you need any help!?" Satisfied with my acquisition, I waited nervously for some sort of garbled response when the door suddenly began to open! My heart jumped as two dogs came rushing into the hallway, and a scrawny, orange-skinned, pink-shirt-wearing, masochistic, womanizing, spiked-hair-having, cologne-bombed, worthless waste of humanity calmly slunk against the side of the open door and asked, "Why are you banging on my door?" And no, he doesn't deserve an illustration.

Are you serious? "You dialed 9-1-1 from your room, so we are here because we figured you may be in dire need of assistance," ("ass" being the key word). He calmly murmured, "Oh, well I thought it said to dial 9 and then two 1's to reach outside." First off, to reach outside all you have to do is open a window and stick your arm out. Secondly, tell me of anywhere in the continental U.S. where you have to dial 9-1-1 unless it's an emergency, or in the middle of another longer number. Ass.

Of course, I had to doctor his responses in order to make them intelligible to normal humans, but realistically it would have been clear to anyone in my place that this moron deserved to be reprimanded. He called his two dogs back into his room, his two dogs that he failed to mention at check-in, and solemnly slipped back into the shadows from whence he came, closing and locking his door. Even the click of the door as it latched sounded ignorant.

Once back at the desk, the task became to decide exactly what to charge him... I conferred with the person behind the curtain and requested that he be charged not only the exorbitant non-disclosure pet fee, but a 9-1-1 mis-dial fee as well. Now, herein lies my issue: I am not particularly forgiving of insolence or disrespect without justification, nor ignorance as a result of a clear lack of will to learn. Thusly, I wanted to ream him in the corn-hole; not to sound gay or anything. My dilemma is that my boss is far too forgiving. It was requested that I only charge the normal pet fee and $1.50 for the 9-1-1 mis-dial. A DOLLAR FIFTY. What crap! Of course, I can't really blame my boss for making that decision, as I probably wouldn't want to deal with an angry idiot either. Stupidity plus anger makes for generally poor decisions. Still, I was particularly proud of my ability to dash through the halls like an 8 year old playing superhero.

People watching.

2010-09-19T17:51:00.001-07:00

So up to this point I've been overly adamant in my ability to relay cognition in literary terms. So then I realized that nobody cares, realistically making me appear like two hams with soft-serve being squeezed between them. On that note, I am at work. It sucks. Sitting at a desk getting paid to loiter and people-watch is not all it's cracked up to be. I had no idea that (and this isn't exaggerated) 87%+ of all people are completely socially inept, and I mean to the point of making me wonder how they lived to be so old, which the majority of them are. Now, given that nobody really ever "matures," we just sort of learn new things, why is it that these people weren't forced to conform to some sort of sanity by their peers at a younger age? Another thing I'm not quite clear on is that just because I'm wearing a polo with a name tag, I'm no longer considered a person. Why is this? And why is it that people expect to get what they want when they are rude? It's like nobody expects the person helping you to reciprocate your rudeness! It's all in good fun and I don't mean to upset anyone, but it's like a whole new set of rules emerge when I don the slave uniform. I propose a galactic rebellion the likes which no human shaped person has ever been part of! If enough of us gather in one place, we will eventually begin to gain mass and gravity, and can therefore eventually break off and form our own planet of pure awesomeness and corpses, eventually hurtling the Earth toward the sun..... In retrospect maybe it's not such a good idea, forget I said anything. I keep forgetting that I'm offset from the other members of the proletariat. :|

Environment practice

2010-08-02T14:58:00.000-07:00

I can admit I need quite a bit more practice with environments, but I sure am getting the hang of it!

12/14/2009 work shift.

2009-12-14T19:47:00.000-08:00

Took about 45 minutes.

So here's the problem:

2009-11-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

When I'm looking at something, I can make a perfect copy of it, given enough time. However while composing from memory or imagination, it comes out distorted or shaded incorrectly. I guess practice is all I'm missing (at least that's what I hear).

Any-who, here's my 10 minute fishbowl:

Here's today's work.

2009-10-27T21:31:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when I listen to Daft Punk.

Fixed!

2009-10-26T17:03:00.001-07:00

Well ok then!

2009-10-26T02:58:00.001-07:00

So apparently by saying I was putting art to a halt, I meant putting out roughly one sketch a day...

Updating.........updating.....

2009-10-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

A change of course.

2009-10-19T03:32:00.000-07:00

So I have pretty much placed my digital art aspirations on hold for the time being. As a result, I feel I should go ahead and post some of the artwork I have been keeping for myself. My initial intentions were to maintain a portfolio of my artwork, but the more I progressed toward this goal the more I realized that none of my art is up to my own standards. Yes, I realize this is most likely the case for all artists. However the notion was beginning to drive me batty.

conceptart.org

2009-04-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'll be posting all my new sketches over at conceptart.org at this link: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php?t=155716&highlight=st0f

Go now to see my latest stuffs!

Sketch color D:

2009-04-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

So I decided to try my hand at coloring one of my sketches finally. I haven't textured it or anything yet, so it still kind of looks cartoonish, but hey, whatever, it was fun.

TABLET IS HERE!!!!!

2009-04-10T17:08:00.000-07:00

Time to give it a whirl, and here we go!

2009-04-08T22:46:00.001-07:00

Free-form from blue marker sketch.... turned out pretty well methinks! :)

Let's not kid, these are terrible.

2009-04-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

After watching a Feng Zhu tutorial (thanks Drew), I went ahead and tried out his method of basic environment sketching. I also tried my hand at abstract character design. Here are the results and a few other sketched things that turned out like a turd sandwich.

Bunch of crap!

2009-04-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

Tablet doesn't get here until the 10th supposedly, so I got tired of waiting and tried my hand at painting with my mouse. This would've turned out a lot better with a tablet...

Waiting impatiently!

2009-04-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

So I finally ordered a tablet to continue my art endeavor, considering that drawing with commercially-made ball-point pens can only get me so far. I hate those damn things! The tablet I've ordered is a Wacom Graphire 4. I heard it's a pretty good beginning tablet, but I hope to move on to bigger and better things as soon as I can afford it! In the mean time, here are some sketches I did in ballpoint.

Did this one in 10 minutes:

This one is an idea I had for a tattoo using Norse mythology:

And this one took an entire work shift: